Dear friends,  

            “Let me report on how vigorous and extensive the Committee was in their search on behalf of our church, and they were very thorough in checking references as well. There were 15 different candidates that were interviewed, so allow me to tell you a bit about them.

1. Adam was first to be interviewed. He was a good man, but had problems with his wife not being obedient. Also, one reference told of how his wife and he enjoyed walking in the woods, pretty scantily-dressed, so his name was discarded.

2. Then they interviewed Noah. They discovered that he was prone to some pretty unrealistic building projects, so his name was rejected. 

3. Next, they interviewed Abraham, but one of the references reported that he claimed his wife was his sister, which just about created a scandal, so they decided to find a man with better integrity.

4. The next candidate interviewed was Joseph. He truly was a big thinker, and looked like a very promising candidate. But references reported that he was a braggart, believed in dream interpretations, and had a prison record, so his name was dumped as well.

5. The next name on the list was Moses: a modest and meek man, but a very poor communicator, even stuttering at times. And references showed that sometimes he blew his stack and acted pretty rashly. Some said he left the country at one point over a murder charge. So, of course, his name was dumped.

6. David was the next candidate. He really appeared to be the most promising leader of all until it was discovered that he had an affair with his neighbour’s wife.

7. Solomon was next. He was a great preacher, but the Search Committee knew that the church would not approve of all of his wives. They were tempted to hire him, though, because it would really have helped church attendance.

8. The next candidate was Elisha. He appeared to have an amazing résumé, until it was reported that he had lived with a single widow while at his former church, and some thought that type of reputation was pretty dicey.

9. Hosea was next, and he appeared to be a very tender and loving pastor, but the Search Committee knew that the congregation would totally disapprove of his wife’s occupation.

10. Jeremiah’s résumé really looked promising, but during interviews it became evident that he was emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things.

11. Next Alan got a phone call from Jonah. But when Jonah told him he had refused God’s call into ministry until he was forced to obey, and then proceeded to tell Alan a big fish story, well Alan just did something that is so out of character for him … he just hung up on him.

12. Well the next candidate was John. He said he was a Baptist, but he definitely didn’t dress like one. He had slept in the outdoors for months on end, had a weird diet, and had a record of provoking denominational leaders, so he definitely did not appear to be a good candidate for the church.

13. Peter was the next very interesting candidate, but he had a bad temper – and was even known to curse, so he was discarded early in his first interview.

14. When the search committee interviewed Paul, they were sure they had the right man. He was a powerful CEO type leader and a fascinating preacher. However, when it was discovered that had been known to preach all night, he too was rejected.

15. Stephen was the last person that they interviewed. He was found to be a man of great faith and power, and had a reputation of doing great wonders and miracles while working with people. His references said that when disputes arose among people that he spoke with great wisdom. Some of his references said that his faith was so strong that his face looked like that of an angel.”

Then Pastor Stephen declared that he remembered what happened to Stephen in the Bible: he was martyred! Someone spoke up and said “Just give it time!” It is good to laugh and share one another’s joys, as well as sorrows. May the Lord be glorified in His church!

By His grace,

Steve